The most we can achieve here is to know ourselves unreservedly in our earthly appearance.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Any schoolboy can do experiments in the physics laboratory to test various scientific hypotheses. But man, because he has only one life to live, cannot conduct experiments to test whether to follow his passion (compassion) or not.
Milan Kundera, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”
Greetings, gentle readers. I had decided that I wouldn’t blog again until I had some definitive news regarding the next year of my life. I don’t really. But that’s news enough, I suppose. The last two months have been busy and fulfilling, but the anxiety I’ve experienced as a result of the next year of my life hanging in limbo has constituted a creeping, underlying stress that has, at times, been a bit unbearable. Ambiguity is inconsistent to my worldview. I work hard to figure things out, to predict, to analyze, to observe and adjust accordingly.
When I applied to extend my Peace Corps service for a third year and was accepted, I thought to myself, “this is a choice I’ve made, this is definitive.” It wasn’t. Peace Corps Burkina requires host organizations with which third year volunteers partner to provide lodging for the volunteer. This can run anywhere from 500 – 1000 USD for the year, a significant amount for any non-profit, especially a local one. Beyond that, a legal agreement must be reached between PC and the organization delineating jurisdiction and responsibility in terms of the volunteer. This has to be approved by PC Washington’s consul before the volunteer can undertake a third year.
Things don’t happen quickly in Burkina. Despite the fact that Peace Corps is an American institution, it often rivals the inefficiency endemic to Burkina. It is a bureaucracy. At this point, I have a host organization interested in taking me on as a third year volunteer, though nothing is certain. Much remains to be done and agreed upon before things move forward. My site (village) will be replaced with a volunteer from the group currently in training at the end of August. I won’t have a home, I want to GO home…to America (third year volunteers take an obligatory month of home leave). If things progress, I will be in Burkina for another year. If they don’t, I’ll be home in early September, after traveling briefly with PC friends. I’ll enjoy some time at home, take the GRE, then take off again to travel until the holidays...probably through India with another PC friend. After the New Year, I may go teach English somewhere or find something to do Stateside. I hope to start a graduate program in International/Intercultural Communication in 2009 or 2010, depending on circumstances.
I’m enthusiastic for the possibilities that lie ahead. The not-knowing is difficult. I can deal with ambiguity to a point, but, as my high school choir director pointed out when I was a senior, I am a Type A. I like structure, assertion, decision, forward motion. While I’ve certainly grown in this regard during my Peace Corps service (structure? ha! logic? predictability? certainly not!), I will always crave direction, knowledge, control…and all the other qualities and elements of efficiency and productivity that make me so very American.
So this is where life stands. I don’t know where I’ll be in two or three months. But as soon as I do, so will you.
Thanks for reading,
Chrissy
Without realizing it, the individual composes his life according to the law of beauty, even in times of the greatest distress.
Milan Kundera
…the gods do not limit men. Men limit men.
Tom Robbins, “Jitterbug Perfume
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2 comments:
The third year problem might have to do with Peace Corps and the hiring and placing of PCVEs(Peace Corps Volunteer Employee) at other organizations. PEPFAR and the HOPE program are examples of PCVEs being hired and placed based on other programs' budgets. For example, PEPFAR runs on a five year budget that PC has gone over to; the PCVEs hiring is based on the other budget. This is usually a mistake because the other program or organization usually says they can hire their own people. PC is paid for and so are the PCVEs, so it's cheaper. The organization or program won't hire because they don't have part of the program or other organization's budget, so they 'hire' PCVEs. PC wants to charge for this and does with PEPFAR. If an organization isn't willing to pay, then they shouldn't have PCVEs. PC is just saying they already have the other program or organizations budget in PC's, so they have to charge for the PCVEs if they place the PCVE is going is not part of the other program's or organization's budget. The extension looks like that is what they are doing, justifying PC being a part of another organization's budget. PC justifies PEPFAR and other PCVEs working for other organizations or programs by charging. For example, the organiation will pay lodging, just like PEPFAR pays for PCVEs in their budget and PCs.
PCVEs working with other organizations as an employee has always been a mistake. It gets difficult to justify PC's existence when the other organizations can hire their own people when they are part of the other program's or organization's budget. Of course, PC has preference here because it is a US government agency and this is where the money problems occur. Why not just pay the other organization or program to hire? The money is always preferred to go non government organizations because they need funding too.
Good luck with the third year.
I read the poem about earthly appearance and it's misleading because our earthly appearance is our only appearance.
RPCV
Post Script: It's okay if you don't post this to the blog, it's confusing.
Hey! I just came across your blog while browsing and really enjoyed reading some of it.
I studied in Ghana for about 5 months when I was in college and spent about one week in Burkina Faso during that time. I loved Ouaga and Bobo very much and would love to go back!
I was thinking about joining PC after college but ended up going to Indonesia for about three months to volunteer at a health clinic. I came back to the states where I now travel each month doing marketing for a small company. I'm saving everything I make for a trip to Antarctica and South America starting next February....then comes grad school in public health and maybe law school :-)
Anyway, I hope your third year works out the way you wish and I look forward to reading more of your blog.
Jackie
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